What I talk when I talk about you

I never expected that email from you – “wonderful story” – read those two words again and again, without a full stop – sounds unreal, but I tried to understand that it is real – may be that delusion made me to read it multiple times –our introduction was bit glamorous, at least to me – like a vivid dream - I hope you too remember it, still – that weekly, carried a cover image with your name as photographer – I posted a FB status with a strong critique about your photograph (hopefully, both - ‘strong’ & ‘critique’) – thus, our conversation started – we discussed –maybe I could even say ‘we argued’ or ‘fought’– sometimes good to be politically/philosophically incorrect – you ended up the conversation by saying ‘ we will meet over a coffee, someday and continue our discussion. Good night for now’ – it was a year in between – I have received your email – an email with two words, not even with a subject line – I replied ‘thanks’ with a smiley - with in twenty seconds I have received your response – 7865504561 – we continued further in what’s app – you mentioned about that story again – you said it was a good story – a story of middle class – I sent a smiley as my response – you asked me why I used more English words in the story – I didn’t have an answer – I sent the same smiley again – even now I don’t have an answer – again, you asked me - don’t you speak? –I do, but at this moment I love listening to you – we conversed until 3 o’clock in the morning – technically you did, I was listening – you spoke about stories, politics, philosophy, ‘kattan chai’, beef chukka and more - you ended it by saying ‘still we don’t match politically’- see you in the morning 5 - Marina - good night – it was very chill than usual, that day – early morning sea breeze spread over our faces – you were laying over sand and was looking at the blue sky – the sun rays were raising against us – I was looking at the reflections of red rays over your eyes – we were idle for hours, without a single word – you broke the silence by asking ‘can we leave?’ – I nodded - you hugged me tight and said a bye in my ears – I went back to silence – I suppose, it was again a month – all of a sudden I got your message – tomorrow 5 am beach – we met the next morning – again the same rays – same eyes – same silence – you broke the silence by asking ‘can we leave?’ – I nodded - you hugged me tight and said a bye in my ears – I went back to silence – this has happened three times as a routine process – fourth time, you invited me to your home –not exactly a home – but a small room, in first floor with a balcony- good enough for one person to live, with attached bathroom and a small kitchen – it was colorfully artistic - with age old clay and bronze antiques – also I found some beautiful frames, which were photographed by you – I still love your photograph of an old man sleeping under a big green banyan – we spoke at last – for hours – until the dawn – I left home with a big hug again – but we never spoke about the photograph that was under ‘discussion’ again - I started visiting your place frequently – I liked it, hence I did – I hope you too liked the same way as I – we had many things to share and talk – we drank many larges of whisky – and many pints of beer too –I know you were seeing someone by that time – even you know that I was in relationship with someone else – but it doesn’t matter – in fact least bothered – I came home that day – it was beyond midnight – you was sitting in the balcony and playing your guitar – with a cigarette in between your brown lips - i was able to witness your glowing eyes – you were playing your own notes – songs of freedom – my soul came out of me through my blood vessels like a vapor – I have seen my soul, filled with lust – maybe ‘love’ – good to be socially correct sometimes – it was you and your music all around – I tried my best to escape the trap – in fact, it was not a trap – it was I, who felt your music as a trap – after sometime you asked me ‘you want to drink a tea?’ – ‘green tea with honey, if you can’ – you went into the kitchen – I was behind you – I don’t know why I get remind of ‘bag piper’ now – but it was exactly the same - like a rat behind you – suddenly you hugged me tight – I too either – we kissed – we kissed – we kissed – I don’t how long – but we kissed – all over – we were on our own – nude human bodies - together – without names – without identity – without anything – door was wide open – moon colored the skins in yellow – the dry summer breeze was all over – but it was unable to penetrate the flesh that were hot – all of a sudden you called me after two weeks – you never called me before – all our conversation happened either in what’s app or in person – are you free today? – Yes, I am – I want someone to read 1Q84 for me – I am reading ‘to bury our fathers’ currently – so? – Nothing, I will start now – not to home – we will meet in the beach – marina? – no Elliots beach – it was big pause from my end - you sensed the question mark in my face – you replied - beasent nagar - we read 1Q84 together – although Aomame and Tengo were not new to me – I was into the fictional days of 1984 – we were reading the pages where aomame kills a businessman with her icepick – very beginning of the story – it was noon by then – I had something else – guess, I had a plan to go for a play with my partner (I mean the person whom I was in relationship that time) – it was a hug and a bye again – days drained out – I sent a message asking if we can meet – you said anytime – we met again – you wanted to watch Birdman – I said- I don’t show interest towards academy movies – you pushed me to watch some scenes in your laptop – Emma stone was so beautiful with that feather tattoo in her right shoulder – still I refused it – you kissed me – this time more harder than previous – I felt the movement of your music in my nerves – after our intercourse, you said - ‘sublime’ – that word came between your cigarette smoke – we were into silence – after sometime, you asked me – did you informed your partner? – about what ? – about us – you mean 'Polyamory'? , did you? – no, I don’t see any necessity - fine – so, you? – I don’t think, that my partner will accept – so you are going to hide it – yes – yes! no need to tell everything to everyone even if it is a partner – again a big vacuum between us – we met after few days – you were playing MIA for me - and few Ilayaraja too – we were drinking – it was a 12 year old Glenfiddich – you read some pages from 'stranger' for me – I was in all surprise – you were doing everything, which I like the most – I was in an assumption that you will propose me while we mate – nothing happened in our love making - we were into silence – a long silence – you finally said – thanks for everything, I will be traveling to Vienna next week – got a job offer as a fashion photographer – I nodded – I guess, I was thinking about your Marxist politics and your fashion photography – but nothing – you hugged me tight and said a bye – I was about to leave your door – you said ‘still we can’t go politically together’ - after two and half years – today, it was downpour all the day - I got a text message from an unknown number– tomorrow 5 am Marina!